A New Start

Well, it has been nearly THREE years since I have updated our family blog!  I have decided that I want to start updating it more regularly, for the sake of posterity.  I can't promise that I'll be the most religious blogger, like some amazing Mom's that I know, but I'll do the best that I can.

 

Although I haven't updated this blog in a long while, I have been keeping track of our lives via recording (nearly daily!) in my personal journal.  I made a goal two years ago to start writing in my journal every single day and I have kept up with it long enough to consider it a habit now. :)  Daily journal writing has proven to be quite therapeutic for me and it has been very enjoyable to look back on various entries over the past two years and see how much our family has done.  Life doesn't seem to pass by as quickly and I feel as if I'm able to gain more from my experiences by writing them down.



 

As far as this blog is concerned, I can in no way attempt to re-cap our lives over the past three years.  Ultimately, I decided to provide a basic OVERview (ha!) of our most recent summer as a starting point.

 

What a summer it was!

 

 

On May 1st, my sweet and beautiful Mom passed away after couragously enduring years with a chronic illness.  It has been a pretty difficult four months since her passing.  If I don't think about it, then I'm totally fine.  But I have found that it's hard to prevent "Mom Thoughts" from entering my mind.  She has been on my mind so much since she has passed, for obvious reasons.  I yearn so much to pick up the phone and call her, as I had become so accustomed to doing.  Every time something happens to one of my kids (something minor or major), I yearn to call her and tell her about it.  I want to call her when I'm frustrated or upset.  I want to call her when I'm happy.  I simply want to call her and hear her encouraging words.  She always made me feel as if I was doing a fantastic job at being a mother and wife.  Since she's been gone, I have struggled with feelings of self doubt.  I have been having a hard time accomplishing anything of worth and feel almost frozen.  I find myself, at times, wondering if I even posess any talents or strengths at all.  I suppose that I had leaned on her words of encouragement too much.

 

 

It simply feels weird not having a Mom.  I am still getting used to the idea.  I feel like my Mom was the only person on the Earth who truly knew me.  I am having a difficult time trusting and believing that there are actually other people in this world that genuinely do care about me and my children.  My Mom wasn't the only one!  These feelings feel so overwhelmingly strong at times.  At other times, I'm able to step back and analyze my feelings and realize that I am being completely ridiculous.  I have a wonderful Dad, two sisters, one brother, one sister-in-law, and one brother-in-law.  I also have awesome in-laws and a sister and brother-in-law from Jon's side of the family.  And countless other family members and friends.  I do know that I am loved by other people, my mind just goes crazy sometimes!! :)

 

I have also been struggling with feelings of guilt and regret.  Regrets that are seemingly impossible to fix or apologize for (because my Mom is gone).  I wasn't the perfect daughter and I simply wish that I could turn back the clock and fix a few things.  Granted, I don't have many regrets in regards to our relationship, but there are definately a few things that I wish I would have done differently.  In retrospect, I could have been a much better daughter than I was to her.

 

For the first few months after her death (and occasionally now) I had continuous dreams in which my Mom would come back to life and defy all medical knowledge.  They were weird dreams that didn't make any sense.  I would also have dreams about her last day on Earth, which was quite difficult for me to see, although I'll be forever grateful that I was able to be present for her final day.  I have had a few dreams recently, however, that have been really nice.  In these dreams, my Mom was young, vibrant, healthy, and obviously happy.  She embraced me in these dreams and I was able feel her body and how warm and soft it was (in comparison to how it felt after death).  I consider these particular dreams wonderful gifts and blessings from above.

 

I'll be honest, losing my Mom has been extremely hard.  I know that it will take some time for me to feel "normal" again.  And even when that day comes, I will always miss my Mom and yearn for the day in which I will be able to see her again.  Which, if I live until I'm 90 years old, I still have to wait 60 more years!!!  The thought can seem incredibly daunting at times, so I try not to think about it. :)

 Anyway, moving on with our summer!!

We kept quite busy!  And, unfortunately, I wasn't the best at taking pictures in an effort to document our adventures.  I'll try to be better!

We went to the L.A. Zoo a few times (thise pictures are from the new California Condor museum):

We played at plenty of parks:

We built rockets and exploded them in our back yard (the perks of having a physics teacher as a Daddy).

Oh, Lizzie graduated Kindergaten!

She's standing next to her BFF, Bailey.

This was her teacher, Mrs. Critchfield.  She was awesome!!!  And Mrs. Mohun (we know her as "Sister Mohun") was the class assistant, whom Lizzie also loved.

We went to Disneyland!!

Um...I seem to have temporarily lost our other pictures from Disneyland, so this is all that you get for now.  What?  You can't tell that Bryce, Mason, and I are having a blast on the spinning teacup ride? :)

We went to the California Science Center.  We love that place!

We got to take another trip to Utah.  It was so great to see my Dad, Alyssa, Craig and Amanda, and even my Grandma and Grandpa Duncan (my Mom's parents) were there from Canada.  We were also able to see some friends of ours, the Call's, and I failed to take a single picture!!

Grandma Duncan reading to her Great-Grandkids.  This was so neat to see, as our kids rarely get the opportunity to see them.

My Dad entertained himself by drawing on Mason's face with a pen.  Mason seemed to enjoy it just as much! :)

Lizzie started 1st Grade the day after we returned from our trip to Utah!  I can hardly believe how mature she is starting to look!  She'll always be my sweet and adorable Lou-lou.  I just love having her as my oldest child.

After school, I took her out for a Jamba Juice and she insisted on getting her picture taken with a "First Grade" sign.  Come on...how in the world could I have failed to provide her such a sign earlier that day in our haste to get out the door?!  What kind of mother am I?! :)

As if Lizzie starting school and Jon starting to teach again wasn't keeping us busy enough, we decided to re-do the "green room".  Mason has been sleeping in the green room and we decided to buy a bunkbed for the boys and have them share a room, in anticipation of a future baby (part of me is hoping that the more we prepare for another baby, the more likely it will be that he or she will come).  Anyway, we decided to paint the walls a different color, add wainscotting, and crown molding.  Jon was certain that the whole thing would be done in two days.  Ha!

Here is the "before picture".  It may be awhile before I'll be able to post the "after picture"! :)

Mason is such a character.  I can't believe that he is already 19 months!!!  He is learning at a very rapid rate.  He is talking up a storm and he wants to be as independent as possible.  He is such a joy!  He loves dressing up in old Halloween costumes, like this Thomas the Train costume that Bryce wore a few years ago.

Lizzie turned 6 years old! She requested a "Rainbow Cake" this year and we had a big party in our backyard with family and a few friends.

Jon and Mason enjoy taking Sunday afternoon naps together on occasion.

I ran a 5K!!  This was a big step for me, as I haven't ran a race in years.  It was a spur-of-the-moment decision and I wasn't able to really train for it, which was a bit of a frustration.  However, I feel okay about my time.  I ran it in 24:26, which is a lot slower than I used to run, but not too shabby due to my complete lack of training.  Running that race has sparked a passion in me again, however, and I can hardly wait to run another one!! :)  Lizzie ran the 1K race as well on the same day and I was extremely proud of her.  She didn't stop once!

We are now back into the routine of leaving the house at 7:00 in the morning and rushing Lizzie to school.  Of course, they all have to eat breakfast first.  Mornings are always so hectic.  I don't imagine them getting easier any time soon either!

Finally, Lizzie entered some of her artwork into the fair and she won a few ribbons again!  She won two 1st place ribbons, one 3rd place ribbon, and two honorable mentions.  We are so proud of her!

This oil acrylic was my absolute favorite!  We're going to hang it up in our house somewhere.

The kids also went on a few rides and played a few games at the fair.

I'm not sure how they expect a little kid to do this fishing game!!  I could barely do it myself! :)

Jon had one shot...and he missed.  Sorry, honey!! :)

Anyway, that was an OVERload of pictures.  But it was really just an OVERview.  In the future, these posts will be much, much shorter! :)